All those cliché phrases that your Aunt Debbie tells you all
the time are so incredibly easy to overlook and dismiss as passé statements. While
these words have become devaluated, they still remain to be universal
life-lessons that really should be taken into account regardless of the number
of times you’ve heard them. And I’m not talking about as captions for your
generic, overly-edited pictures on Facebook in which you are throwing up
“DEUCES” for. You never realize how genuinely true these statements are until
you find yourself in a situation in which they apply to. Maybe your Aunt Debbie
wasn’t so crazy after all.
I’ve also learned not to let things such as time boundaries
or physical distances impede me from pursuing a friendship because those things
simply do not matter as much as they seem. A friendship is never a waste of
time regardless if it results in a life-long bond or merely a short passing-by
that lasts only a few weeks.
I’m a huge psych nerd, and I make lots of references to
concepts I learn in my curriculum as well as articles and publications I read
online (just a forewarning). This past semester I took a course called “Group
Behavior.” When I signed up for it, I didn’t really know what to expect, but
after reading the course description I was very intrigued and knew I wanted to sign
up for it. The basis of the course involved getting into [assigned] groups that
met every Thursday for a set period of time. Every week we switched from the
role of the “working group” to the “observational group” and vice versa. Our
task was to “study ourselves,” whatever that meant. It was up to us to decide
what direction to lead our group in, and what would ultimately result. There were
two group facilitators, however, they were not allowed to say much and could only
speak with the occasional, disjointed interjection. They constantly told us
that we needed to “do work,” and would give us feedback when our group was successfully
completing the “work.” This initially caused confusion and lots of uncomfortable
silences, and for a while we stressed over figuring out exactly what this “work”
was. In due time we learned to let go of this frustration, and became friends
while discovering ourselves in the meanwhile. Overall, it was extremely
interesting to watch the groups evolve and see roles come into play.
In a recent session, a member of the group I was observing
called another member “Eric the Catalyst”. This really struck a chord.
Eric is a kid who dresses in all black, and wears a leather
newsboy cap every day. Seldom does he speak, unless he really feels it is truly
necessary. I mean, who needs idle chit-chat anyway? He could be shy, or maybe
he just does not give a crap about the class. You know those kids, the ones who
sit there staring out the window daydreaming about the sandwich they are going
to eat for lunch or what they are going to do this upcoming weekend. Who knows.
Whatever the case, this caused a tremendous level of stress for the rest of the
group as they could not seem to figure him out. He became somewhat of a subject
of interest for the other members, as they focused all their attention on him.
They poked and prodded, yet no matter how hard they try to get to him, that wall
of concealment could not be torn down.
Because the group did not know how to perceive him, they
resorted to ostracizing him and scapegoating him. Mild jokes and taunts would
be tossed around nonchalantly, and while this did not affect him (as he
admitted), the rest of the group continued to tease him. While superficially it
seemed as though Eric was the weakest link and was falling through the cracks
of the group, in reality, he had the upper-hand. The other members were revolving all of their
attention around him because they did not know how to interpret him. By mocking
him, they were directly projecting their own insecurities within the group. Despite
the fact that he did not contribute to the group by speaking, he fulfilled his
role as the quiet-observer. He was the spine for the group, and created a
foundation in which work could be executed upon.
Eric is reserved. He is a mystery. He provides a crucial
resource in which the group can build upon, regardless of the fact that he does
not add much to the actual discussion. The other members strived to unlock him;
what they did not realize was that he was the key to their own behaviors.
He is a catalyst.
You may say that I’m taking the context of the course
material way too seriously, but by participating in this activity I have been
able to apply these observations to my everyday life. I’ve realized that
certain people have guided me to where I am now. Whether they realize this or
not, I am truly grateful to have them in my life, as well as having the ability
to absorb what they offer.
A particular quotation I really like is from the novel Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.
While the storyline was difficult to follow and written in a bizarre and
complicated manner, this quotation really stood out to me. It was also probably
the most remarkable thing I could walk away with after reading this book. It
goes as follows:
“So many people enter and leave your life. Hundreds of
thousands of people. You have to keep the door open so they can come in. But it
also means you have to let them go.”
These acquaintances and friends will surely come and go, as many of them are purely circumstantial and caused by mere convenience. This is simply an inevitable part of life. However, rather than dwelling over the loss of a friendship, I have taught myself how to appreciate it for its impact upon me (SHUT UP, AUNT DEBBIE).
Really though.
Every single person you encounter will give you just enough information
and influence in which you can learn from and evolve upon.
Thank you to all my catalysts for making me who I am.
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